AM?

Really afternoon. My how the mind is like a sieve.  I started this on Friday the 13th, ah, maybe there's a clue, in the morning that day intending on morning and evening musings and here it is Sunday afternoon.  Ah, well, this isn't about being strict, it's about having an outlet available to me to express my thoughts and anxieties and hopes and dreams and anything else that flows from me taking about 10 minutes.  On my way to Austin to see mom and be with her and the anniversary of dad's passing.  I hope it will be of some consolation for her.  She is in a suffering place a place physical, mental and spiritual suffering.  I don't care what the Oprah podcast this morning said about we are responsible for allowing suffering, there is nothing I can do to alleviate mom's suffering.  Her current state is that of a suffering person and there's not much that can be done to take that suffering away.  Well, maybe I could be wrong.  But, it would take someone with lots of time and patience to teach her to accept her pains and I don't think there is anyone willing.  You might be able to say that I allow it, but I don't.  I can only give comfort to the extent I am able and still take care of myself and my needs and my life.  That is how it is.  I need to not become down when she is down and not have inflated hopes when she is up.  She will go up and down continually until she dies.  That's how it is.  I need to let go of the expectation that there is an up normal for mom.  We do the best we can and not hope for a plateau of "normal" happiness to live and be but try to seize those times when she is up to take advantage of opportunities to live.  That is all for now. Amen.