Lord may I find happiness in all I do and may all I do at least not undermine the happiness of others and not cause others suffering. Thank you for life and not this headache and may I spin it off and spin it on in McCartney and all the suffering in the universe and may I guide myself into space to see the blackness and see the darkness with the starts and the moons and the clovers pink and blue and purple and genius and wonderfulness in everyone of our souls and may we all be blessed with a vision of happiness and see paths to happiness and find solace in your love and be able to let go of all things that can be transient and lost at any moment. Have them for pleasure and fulfillment but always know they may go poof and realize there is always something there. It is the peace of the fabric of the universe. Knowing what we cannot change or influence. Knowing that peace is flowing with the universe and thank you Lord for the little wisdom I have. It is not really being humble but know that there isn't really anything to know. It is all illusion created by our senses by our biases by our lessons that have taught us the way it is even though there isn't any way that it is. Thank you for our patience the little patience we have may we nurture it and grow it to be accepting of all that is about the way the universe is about knowing what the universe is so we can understand what it is that is transient and we can mold and shape for our happiness and to know what is fundamental about the universe. Amen.

Nurture the happiness and heal the suffering of all our family. We are all beautiful because we are different. We are all connected because we are all the same. Tr la la la Yoko beautiful Yoko and John and all our beings and beauty and beasts and silences and lambs and slaughters and Christ and the beach and the beaches and Midler and the actress and all our wonderful beings. May we see the beauty in one another and know if we be together we can all have wonderful happiness. Thank you DL, thank you God, thank you John and mom and Jeremiah and Sadie and most wonderfully my Mary with whom we have been one another for all these years and sink and swim and be with one another and up an down the roller coaster of life and money and begs and bics and shawls and shaw shanks and redemption and paddling and swimming and sharks and fins and scubas and schools and night and day and clouds and suffering and piling and wishing and being and steak and flounder and wonderful being and may we continue to enrich one another's together experience on this planet and may we help J&S experience wonderfulness together until the end of time until the end of the sun and the shoes and the fisherman and all that is and al that isn't in the boiling microcosm of the universe fundamental from the tiniest foam the largest structures all is the same no matter the form no matter the size until the beginning from the end we go in circles and always be the same in beautiful diversity. Thank you Lord for all that it and thank you for teach me about love. May I slowly learn more and more the lesson of love and find peace and happiness and joy and ecstasy.

One new day. Going to the DMV for Jeremiah. I hope we make it okay. It's still dark outside at this time. Spring in coming on nigh. Toodle loo toodle lie I'm in heaven I do not lie. It's the time of the season always time of the season in 4/4 in 6/8 in 7/8 in 9/8 for date to date and town to town we buffer our souls we buffalo our times in and out up and down all around we twirl and twirk our souls into submission and wonder and wander for peace and joy and finding death and dirt and dirty hands that never clean and always come up sparse and parcel and packages and in the end we are sane and dirty and wonderful and catchy and all in the same pod all in the same family on this planet earth forever spinning until the end of time when the sun bulges in it's infinitesimal state of a small speck in all the universe from the beginning of the bang to the implosion of the spirits when all is gone and nothing is left it has all run down to a thin plasm of energy that has no heart beat and all is done and all is good for what was and maybe it will cycle start again with a new vibrancy no better no less than the previous but different and beautiful in its difference for a new experience for God.

We are all part of the same family on the damned planet but we are all beautiful not just in our own way but beautiful because of who we are.  We are all different but it is what we have in common that makes us beautiful and it is our commonality that we have uniquenesses that makes us beautiful, not the uniquenesses themselves. We are a wonderful family and we bring joy and pain and happiness and sorrow and love to one another. We get lost we get found and we can only be happier by shedding judgement and donning compassion, and kindness and love. These are really good words. I need to make a blog or a document with all spirituality words. I really want to remember this but the rule is this is a stream of consciousness and nothing should break it though I do go look up words meanings and things like that to write down what it is I want to write down to help write down what i want to write down but then again this isn't about writing down what I want to write down or it shouldn't be, it's about writing down what's in my head that we all can be joyful if we let go of our stupid demons that tells us how things are supposed to be and it puts in our heads what they think things are supposed to be that we latch onto to help us cope and survive.

Late today after MMTC bike rider. I'm reeling a bit from it. I could be dehydrated. I didn't keep up every 5 minutes. I was more concerned about keeping up with the other guys. Oh, well. It's another day I glad I got to do the ride outside. It's all twirling and tispy turvey this universe being in this universe alone with hard unbreakable glass walls never really being able to be intertwined with another, but some including me are lucky to opportunities to be as close to that as humanly possible. Thank you Lord for life, love, oblong things and pairs of things and parrying and such things noble and honorable and with integrity to all spirits to come together and intertwine. Thank you for Mary to intertwine with, to intertwine our separate beautiful different threads. Together to make one thread.  Amen to that.  Separate intertwined threads.  I like that allusion.  I'll have to or hope to remember to look for a picture of that.  That would be cool. And on and upward to the sky to the heavens and back again do not hit too hard and life will be better than a broke splat on the cement of life the hot cement enough to fry and egg to burn our lives to a crisp in the end. The end is inevitable.

Thank you Lord for another beautiful day and showing me a path to help with my grief. Not only is it about accomplishing the things that I want to do for my own well-being, that act of accomplishing those things helps lift me from the despondency. Thank you for that. Lists or plans propel me they are a fuel for my spirit to and they give me pleasure to, I think a sense of accomplishment and there is something in making a plan and carrying it out. Just that in and of itself is satisfying. Thank you Lord for the gift for myself. Thank you. Though, when it comes to making a plan for others to follow that I manage to be done, not so much. If a make a procedure for others to follow, that is good. Oh, well, on and on I go don't beat the dead horse or really don't beat the live horse to death. Thank you God for a beautiful another beautiful day. The weekend is going to be good for being out and training but it is warmer than normal or to be warmer than normal and that is not so good as a consequence of what we are doing to our planet. It is hard for heeding a call to arms so to speak when it is not clearly obvious there is a problem when the solution to the problem calls for change and sacrifice to our of being.

A beautiful new dark day today outside at 6:00 in the morning. There is darkness in my soul with my grief and my uncertainty in myself and the introversion and the need to embrace and understand who I am and not be on a path that is really not me. May I let go of trying to be more than I'm not and let myself be in the confines of who am I am. There is a balance between the joy of being around others and the pressure inside to express myself more than is comfortable for me. Sometimes I think I can go there and find more joy but I think the thing with Deb shot me down but also I'm not sure if there wasn't grief coming up for mom and dad I can't recall now where that all came from. I know I felt like I was riding high on expressing myself and the bubble got bursted? but also there was a lot a lot of sadness and I don't know if that accounts for it. It seems like there was a big component of grief in there but I'm not sure.  There there there so much there. I am retreating and looking for solace from myself and solitude, no with solitude. May I believe in myself and find joy in myself and keep going and not stop writing not to let myself analyze here but go on the wave the beautiful ocean wave with sharks underneath at he bottom and jelly fish floating in the haze.

Thank you Lord for a new day with the sun coming up bright and shining. May I see the vision of my prayer and become the vision of my prayer and learn to embrace everyone and be less judgmental and embrace and live our oneness in the universe. May I love and learn and find harmony in our common universe for which we make up and are the fabric and fiber of. May we find joy and all our beings and may we guide ourselves to nurture and promote that joy and help one another to overcome our sufferings and find life in our lives and being in our being and find joy in our sufferings and be one and completely at ease and at peace. It is a challenge when part of our body turns against itself and causes suffering and it hides us and pushes us to cut-off of the rest of the body and become destructive ourselves to protect our individual beings. May we keep clear vision in our retreats and refrain from suffering. Though sometimes it seems as if to survive we have to destroy. And that maybe the case. Can one destroy and have empathy at the same time? It seems as if we sometimes have a Kobayashi Maru

Thank you Lord for the beautiful fog and life and love for Mary and all that is and isn't all the boiling foamy quanta in the universe that makes up the universe and every fiber of our being. May we all find oneness with that foam and understand our connections are intertwined and connected beings. Thank for our love our being and all the we are to the bottom of our souls to the top of our spirits of wined and liquor and rum and daiquiris and cokes and coal and bottoms valleys in West Virginia. May hop skip jump do the hokey pokey and ride horses and gumby and have gumbo and gusto in our chests and find nurturing happiness in our sex and one another and share and lift one another up to our necks and chests and cocks and cunts and beautiful oneness may we experience harmony and ultimate happiness in oneness and the serenity prayer and think of the joy that comes from being in harmony with the universe and nurturing ourselves into the joy you created us to experience may I be as you wish in oneness as part of the fabric and fiber of the universe being what the universe is and spreading the joy and unification we all are whether or not we see and realize it. We are all one body in Christ and we are all sources and roadblocks of love. Love is in the center and our coping with suffering and fear hides the love. We try to become disconnected to block it.

Another beautiful day. Thank you Lord for love and life and family and friends and everyone and all beings. We are all one family and may we nurture and heal one another in our lives together. May we fall together may we rise together in infinite beautiful and eternal blackness and in our good and in our bad may we see the joy and beauty in one another.  Thank you for the chance to experience it all from the grief to the death from the heights from the stage to the balcony to the fall the autumn the spring the joy the death the beauty and bounty of the ship and the sea and the squid and the life and the spray and the joy and the passion and the sex and orgasms and love passion and ecstasy of our lives. May we fall and skin our knees and rise in our passion and delve into one another in experiences of titillation and losing ourselves in one another and enshrouding ourselves in love and being and bees and booze and barrels and sunshine moonshine starshine eyes and shining badges and stinking badges and Mel Brooks and Rock Ridge and Frankensteen and knockers and horses and Sadie with Jeremiah and all the things that make life rich and wonderful and joyful and belong with one another. May we find that belonging in all of humanity and all of the flora and fauna on Earth and all the celestial bodies stars moon clovers planets dust hydrogen oxygen all the things that make up the universe, make up our existence all networked and connected together. Thank you Lord and Amen for it all until the end of time.

May I be one with all beings with all people. We are one in the same and uniquely different. Life goes on it spits on us it spits up at the sky and that spit is beautiful in our experience in to wallow in drown in swim in and be human in. It's a messy business and that is what it is all about, taking it as it comes and handling is it comes with the fibers in our beings and we jump in it and jump off cliffs and find exhilerance and live and love and fuck and kiss and hit and miss and be all we are. May I grow and find my peace and find the zest and eat the orange and limes and lemons and embrace them and dive into the peaches and lick the nectar and suck the juice and experience the orgasm that the life and joy of love given us, the gift from god.  Thank you Lord for the gift of zest and joy and love.  Zest is it. Zest is the spice may I always find and feel the zest and never be without it and always have those to share and live with and experience it all, to belong and love and know I am not wrong about life I have always worried about being wrong about life and that my purpose is about being right about life and never really knowing what is right about life. I always look to others to try and figure it out but my sight is no less than anyone one elses. Amen to me and amen to all. Amen amen amen. Thank you lord for deb mostly for mary and mom and dad and Jeremiah and Sadie for jeremiah.  Thanks you.

It's another day again today and another year on our calendar. May it bless us all with new tides and experiences which have been enriched by our experiences from the past year. May we all bless one another and become one and grow and fly and be and dive and sin and bless and grow and become one and love and dive and dive and dive until we crash and burn and end our lives in our final breaths and rise like Phoenixes in one another to complete our never ending cycles until our Sun expands and we are all extinguished in the night of the red, red glow of the expanding atmosphere that will be our doom in the end from which we have know escape. We'll never leave this solar system as much as we may try. But thousands and thousands of more years is a long time and unfathomable things have happened even over the past hundred so who knows maybe we will. Is to say there is hope a meaningful thing. Is there value in the continuation of the human race? The beauty of our diversities and our creations would cease. Is that bad is that wrong is that a loss? If we are all gone, to whom is it a loss. Life and death are a cycle. Is it bad for that cycle to end? Maybe another cycle elsewhere will begin as our cycle ends. Maybe there are enumerable cycles beginning and ending throughout all the universe or universes are all existences. Amen.