Hi Lord. It's been a week. Lotsa headaches got me off track. I have one tomorrow, but my motivations are better. I miss mom the feeling is there. I'm not exactly sure what I miss about her. I know logically that I didn't want to be around her. But something transformed into missing her. I hated her negativity. Now it's fuzzy. It was who she was. Do I miss my frustration I got from it? Do I miss it because it was something became a way of life for me? Do I miss it because it was part and parcel of the package who mom was and I miss her and dad that I can't share things with them. It's natural to want to make them proud, so there isn't that there any more. The candle is burning bright it is dark outside as time goes by it cycles the candle will burn low the sky will brighten. I'll replenish the candle and night will come again. Nothing is constant except the change. The undulating day under the constant passing of days, no, that's not working. The opposite goes I think. There is chaos that is not constant. Under the chaos is the constant... No, this isn't working unless I think harder and even then it may not work. Let it go and be gone. Life is an every changing constant. Life is a constant change. Life goes on, humanity goes on. It will eventually come to an end within our solar system. Maybe we'll have found the means to perpetuate beyond or a means to survive here. Eventually we'll have a white dwarf with constant UV radiation from the smoldering blue core. I don't even remember how long it will be. Millions of years, 100's of millions, billions. I'm not sure. It will be much much longer than our recorded history. Life goes on, will life go on? I don't know. It may be one cycle of existence. We will pass having been a glimpse of wonderment and miracle of being billions of manifestations of the universe, all unique. Amen O Lord Amen. (354)