Thank you Lord for another day of life. The beat goes on. Mom and dad live on in us. We are the embodiment of their immortality. Thank you Lord for the honor of continuing on who they are on this Earth. Amen. Amen. Amen. May I accept John and allow him to be and listen to what he has to say to allow him to express himself. I find it hard to accept that his intentions are good whatever that means. I doubt he ever intends to do me harm even though his judgements and criticisms do harm. He has his own demons as Deb puts it. I want to know how things are going on with her. In some ways she sounded pretty good. Mark has concerns. But, she mentioned she has her own demons. She has concerns about Mark. I think Mark has thoughts about the ways are supposed to be in his relationship with her. The fact that Deb talked about life having been going on, but Mark not having heard from her since like Thanksgiving. I hope for peace for the two of them no matter where their paths are going. I think I want to get together with Melissa. I should ping her and Deb. I should find paths of life to live. Thank you Lord for my help. I need to get shoe insoles and new shoes for running. Go swimming today. Get a snow scraper. Get into and live life. That is what I'd hoped for mom. I don't know if she had that hope for herself. She was more interested in stopping suffering than in being happy. That is how she was, focus on the bad and not look for the good. She suffered for just that. She suffered because she tried to avoid suffering and wasn't happy because she didn't try to be happy. That is the saddest thing of all. That was who she was and is something I struggled with these past years in trying to get her to place where she could be happy.  Now she is in the happiest place she can be. Now I am free from that struggle. I am free of the time and effort and the life that was not my own, but the biggest freedom I have is the futility of trying to make her happy. Amen. Amen. Amen.