Thank you Lord for another day. Thank you for helping get back into some discipline. I am here writing now and just finished meditating. Yeah! It is dark outside. We're in the dead of winter with about 17+28 days left. A month and a half exactly 4.3 + 2.15 a bit over 7 weeks. A couple of exercise cycles and a bit more. Just be patient and pass along with it and all will be fine. March may be dicey some but we'll be on the upswing. I hope the hanging here is done after closing a couple of things. We'll see how it goes. Just hung for a sec. Not too bad. Thank you Lord for peace in my heart. It is joyful, peaceful, calm and serene. A source of happiness enables me to be compassionate and kind. It doesn't necessarily mean I will be but at least I am in a place from where that is possible. I pray Lord that the love in my heart will be exposed to the surface of my soul, my spirit so I can be compassionate and kind to those I encounter and have awareness at my forefront for that desire to be there for me to act for the happiness of others. That is really hard. There is much in my soul that wants to lash out and be angry. It's what I see in mom. It is unfortunate that she clings to that. John clings to it to so it is not accountable for my dad's alcoholism. I didn't see it in Rosa, so it's not just from grandma unless Rosa as middle child. Who knows? There isn't going to be any understanding of that. It is a demon that I feel was passed onto me from mom, though, not something she consciously did. I think I have more calm in me than here.  I think some have been passed on to Jeremiah and some from Mary, too. He struggles with it. But, I see more calm in him than in mom. It could be dad's alcoholism exacerbated here demons. I guess they are demons in me. When Deb says she has demons, I thought, mine isn't demons, but my current situation in life. However, it is the demons that exacerbate my suffering in the current situation. When I get anxious, it would be good to look at the demons and recognize them. Then I can decide how to deal with them. That is more thought to have. How do I handle them when they come up. The most terrible is the shooting anxiety when mom starts asking me to do things for her. (444)