Another day. The last vacation day and one holiday left. Back to work on Wednesday. I need to call Goddard today though about my appointment and need to call USAT for my password so I can renew. Ugh. It's a pain in the ass that the password reset email never gets to me. I'm getting other emails, so I do not know what the problem is.  I need to ask what can be done to fix it.  Sigh, c'est la vie.  I'll get to it today. I also need to try and get mom's car inspected.  Another pain in the as. I don't think I asked Mary just last week. It wasn't a month ago like I claimed. It was at least before my vacation so I could do it during vacation. Sigh. Oh, well. c'est la vie.  Choo choo cha cha it's a big life in the universe each of us has. In fact for each of us our own lives are the biggest thing in the universe. It all impacts us and we just take it all in and respond as best we can to get reciprocation that is most to our own liking and satisfaction. We are all selfish. We just are actions to get the outcome we desire. Even if that outcome is more for the well-being of others and we sacrifice our own well-being and happiness and comfort, that just means want is more for the well-being of others so our actions are for what we desire, what ourself desires, hence it is selfish. Wa-la!  Yeah, team. We are all selfish. It just depends on what are selfish selves want that categorizes whether we are deemed good or not.  It's all perspective and perception. The line is between are our selfish ends serving others more or serving ourselves more.  Maybe the right term is self-serving and not selfish. But, you can still say self-serving is serving for the ends that we want. Yeah, it's all selfish. Does it make me happier to make you happy or to feed my emotions directly. Eating chocolate, thrill down a coaster, easing my own burden. Ooh, that's a thought. Is it about easing burden? And, what does that mean? Instead of me having a $100 dollar meal, I give $10 meals to 9 other people. So, I'm not sure off the top of my head what is the terms here. It's means my dining experience is $90 less, but I've given $10 experiences to 9 other people. So, I have experiences that are lower on a standard, but I give experiences to other people.  That helps and will ruminate more. Amen. (442)

Another day, looking gray and cold. I'm not sure how cold is really is. I have a feeling 40s for the day but I don't really know. Tuesday looks fantastic for a scheduled bike ride. Woot woot! I've got my plan all revamped in swim/brick(bike)/run order. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can convince myself to handle Rt. 30 during the week. It's just the one intersection really and maybe going down Central all the way to Butler will work, too.  Maybe, try that on Tuesday on an easy day and see how it goes. I think the left turn at Butler is fine. Just accept stopping there at Glyndon Gardens and waiting for traffic to clear for my left turn. The other challenge is Railroad on to Butler with the viaduct blocking view of traffic from the left. I bet I can get that all to work out and put in my 2nd gear stretch to end at the bottom of the Rt. 30 railroad bridge.  Then I can concentrate on the left turn and not worry about trying to keep up speed on the residential streets and watch traffic at the same time. It'll be great is this can work out.  We'll see. Rt. 30, nonetheless, will be good for getting in my distances.  I think it'll work for the half. I'd hate to need to do it twice for the full.  But, maybe I can at in back roads.  Along Rt. 30 what I've been doing adds in about 28 I think or maybe it's 21.  No, I think maybe 28.  Along Dover/Hanover Rd, Trenton Mills, Lee Mills and Mt. Gilead.  4 x 7 about 28 plus the 60 I think I can get straight on Rt. 30 gives me 88.  Then I need another 42 for my goal.  There might be another 20 in there from home.  Nah, not that much. Let's say 10. Then, down to 32 or so. Maybe back roads north of Hampstead. Of course, I'm looking for that for 1 3/4 years from now.  But, there is possibility there and that is cool. It seemed to get flatter north of Hampstead so that might make it all easier, too.  We'll see. It's an unfolding adventure. Yeah! On to spiritual from physical all interlinked. I don't exist without the physical but the more reality of my own self is in the spiritual. My reality is my perceptions and my experience is my feelings. That sounds kinda cool. Amen. (416)

Another day of life. Continuing the glorious existence of emotions and feelings. Thank you Lord for the gift. It's a wet raining dreary day. Perfect for going swimming. I'm so pleased I have a concrete plan for training and exercise for the coming year. It will be okay to be flexible and allow me to be free with what I want to do. The main thing is to keep up with increasing my swim/bike/run distances. The most important is the run since I have the BRF marathon as my A race goal. The others are just to put be in good position for 3 half iron mans in 2020.  That is flexible and fine to not meet the goals but I still want to try my best to get there. 1.5M/60M/30M by the marathon race. Mom is doing pretty good. Maybe I can spend more time since I'm getting my exercise in first. Then, no matter what time I leave, I'll still be able to go run more errands instead of being hot and sweaty and tired at home and not really feeling like going out again. Then, tomorrow, a short brick and 7 miles on Sunday! Yeah! That will be good. I'm starting a new adjusted 3 week cycle that puts the medium work outs half way between the long workouts.  That'll be better. Yeah. Thank you Lord, thank you for my health. The exercise is good for my body and mind. And my mediation and writing are good for my spirit and soul. Thank you for the elation of it all that is in the center of my being. Thank you for helping me to slow peel of layers between my consciousness and the center. I like the blame quote, if I'm blaming others, then I'm not on the path, if I blame my self I am on the path, if I blame no one, then I have arrived or something like that. And that was found on the heels of deciding for my 2019 prayer to be about non-judgement. That is where I want to be.  Thank you Lord for me seeing wisdom and for me wisdom really means being my authentic self and understanding my personal relationship with the universe the relationship of the center of my soul and consciousness and not the knowledge I have been taught about what that relationship is or should be or is supposed to be.  Thank you Lord for freedom and peace and love and kindness and compassion and seeing that in everyone's souls beneath what they have developed out of necessity to survive suffering that has been imposed upon them and the model of the universe that has been imposed upon them even as much as it may be in conflict with their inner being. (466)

It's been a busy time with mom in the hospital. And, I wish my computer or Chrome wouldn't hang while I'm doing my daily words. Oh, well. Time moves on and life goes on. It will be all fine as I type blindly. Just keep going. Be mindful, move forward and finish. It will all be fine. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to exist and be here and experience life experience emotions and feelings and quest for happiness and joy and be with Mary and Jeremiah and be there for mom. It is a challenge and I am up to it. It gets stressful and sometimes I think I can't take it anymore. I am slowly bit by bit getting better at handling it but it can be a challenge. I need to be mindful and try to see what I cannot change and not to agonize over what I cannot change and let it be no matter how undesirable it may be. Thank you Lord for life and liberty of my spirit and the means for happiness within my soul. Thank you Lord for peace and foundations of happiness thank you for family and friends and sunshine and snow and all that happens and occurs in my life. My I know my values and keep with them and always keep up with my physical fitness which will give me the best chance to pursue my other values, mental and emotional health, family, work, friends. Thank you Lord for a life with purpose, purpose to love and pursue happiness, mutual happiness with everyone I encounter. Thank you Lord help me to value the happiness of others which will instill happiness within my spirit and feedback to maximize the happiness in my life and with those around me. Amen and thank you for all life and happiness and may we all have liberty of spirit no matter where we are and what are the circumstances we find ourselves in. Always be with us and always be in our hearts. Amen and thank you for one another and all the women and men and children and people of all diversities you have created in this beautiful and amazing universe. Though saying amazing universe has no meaning because that is a comparative and there is no other to compare. What is amazing is our own observable universe within the whole universe then to get exposed to things in the greater universe not in our own and expands our own universe to encompass thing more wonderful that we experienced before. Thank you Lord for all we are and all we have been and all we will be and teach us to marvel mostly what we are in this moment at this time in this place where we dwell. Thank you have may we find peace within and find the ability to find peace with one another. (483)

Another day. Several days off because mom is in the hospital. I hope she gets out today for my sake and for her sake. She's got a lot of work for PT, OT and ST ahead of her. I don't know how long she will go. It could still be a long time. There's always an expectation that the the things she is battling are things to recover from. And she seems to, but something else always comes up to extend the suffering. I don't want her to suffer. Though, I don't have much empathy. I think I'm numb to that. I have sympathy and a desire to end her suffering. But, I don't want to feel the way she does, I can't do that. She has self-doubt, no confidence, pessimism, defeatism. I have deep sadness that she is that way and deep aversion to it as well. We all impact one another. I think I am more easily impacted by others and I don't want her to impact me. She has me as a possession in her psyche. She doesn't want harm to come to me because it would be a loss to her and it is not for my sake that she doesn't want me. That's how I feel in my perception of her actions. I don't want to have the responsibility of being the object of her happiness.  I don't want that burden. I don't want to exist for the sake of her happiness. I want to exist for the sake of my own happiness. I want her to be happy. Happiness comes from within not from without. And she makes it come from without. Thank you Lord for the happiness within me and help me to not allow the pain from without to cloud it. Maybe I want a mother who doesn't cling and wants me to be happy for my sake. I don't know what that would look like. I only know I feel like I am a possession for her. It's subtle in my mind when I try to think of it. I only know how I feel and I don't like it. I want to shed her from or rather I want to be shed being the fulfillment of her happiness. Amen Lord. And good day to you and to all. Amen. Amen. Amen. (391)

Another day, dark in the morning. It will get brighter with light coming with the new dawn. This font seems thin. Oh, well, it does not really matter, ah, c'est la vie. We had a good trip up to Hershey to see TSO with the kids. Thank you Lord for the experience to share with them. Maybe the hanging here will go away when I get all the back ups worked out. Copy music over to iCloud and iCloud uploading. It's an obvious stress, so that stress will go away when it's all done. I still have stuff to do, I think. But, let it go and let the thoughts flow as they come if it's thinking about backup that is cool just let it flow but don't go to pointed thoughts, deliberate thoughts. And the flame of the candle burns brightly and fire consumes and returns never netting substance of the universe flow between matter and energy releasing more energy from consuming the matter. It is all manifestation of the substance of the what the universe is we are all manifestations of what the universe is into different forms giving diversity and richness to the universe making it fascinating and glorious to experience as we are meant to experience. Experiencing happiness, joy, laughter, ecstasy, pleasure, satisfaction, calm, peace, harmony, unity, belonging. These are the purposes of life. That is what God, you oh Lord wish for us.  Lasting legacy is vanity. Helping one another to be happy is our purpose. Can that be my purpose? Can I find the emotional experiences above in living for the happiness of others. Oops, I left happiness off that list. There it is now at the top. Thank you DL for teaching happiness and kindness and compassion. My happiness is stoked by the happiness of others which is stoked by kindness and compassion from me. Be kind and compassionate to others and I will find happiness. There is something there and idea, concept about something that flew from my mind. Let it go, do not chase it. It is in my spirit, in my soul. I just don't see it concretely, but I feel the ecstasy, the passion of wonder and completeness in the moment without the past without the future in no other place. Here, now is the universe. There is no universe anywhere or any other time. (396)

Thank you Lord for another day.  Dark and damp out there right now, but the sun is starting to lighten up the sky.  I want to go out for my brick but I think the weather is too iffy if not down right too bad. It looks like there maybe a break, but wet roads and puddles and still the potential for it to start raining in earnest. Better safe than sorry and it will take more time than indoor on the training since I account for the trainer being harder.  Oh, well, that's okay it'll all work out and there won't be any bad consequences.  The main thing is to be exercising and that I will.  I got a good new plan with mediums half way between the corresponding longs. And on I go to the next thing. It seems like mom has stabilized. Mary and I are going with the kids up to Hershey for TSO. Yeah. Mom will be okay, but she'll always be in the back of my mind.  We'll see if the GI can get things better.  Even if allergies are at the root cause of the current problem, there is a problem with foot stuck and we'll just get that cleared up then see about the allergies. Sigh, no, I don't want to sigh.  I'm feeling better.  I get frustrated at times. Be mindful about the frustrations. And don't judge me or the universe. Keep calm and be mindful. Keep calm and move forward. Keep calm and finish. This computer is a little frustrating with the hangs while I'm writing this. That's okay. Keep calm. It is what it is. I can complain and become anxious worked up, I can use my laptop all the time instead or I can let it be and continue in patience and meditation. Thank you Lord for the ability for me to be mindful and allow me to have control of what I can control and allow what I cannot control to flow as a river flows down a valley. I can't control a river. If I had bigger resources I could and I could potentially make a plan to get resources. I'm in no political position to do that and I have no desire to do so. I allow life to flow as it will and control what I can and allow what I cannot to go and be as it is. Thank you Lord for life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. May we all have these freedoms. (422)

Another day. I think the weather is going to be good. Parking seems to be working out okay. It's going to be sunny. Well, I really don't know. It feels that way maybe based on my passed few days of looking at the weather app. It's still dark outside but the sky is starting to lighten up a little bit. I can see light pushing through clouds at the top of the trees in the back. I'm feeling confident about weather for exercise the next few days. It will be fine and fun. We'll see if I can get Christmas lights up. Maybe I'll take time off next week to do that if it's to wet on Saturday. Sunday is out if I'm going to get exercise in and make it to the show and maybe brunch with the kids. We'll see. Life goes on tu-la-lu-la-lu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a busy day. Get ready and go to the hospital and look in on mom. Then go get breakfast and find a place to hang to work the best I can. I need to get everything packed. The shirt for the Celtic Solstice Race looks great. I'm looking forward to trying it out tomorrow's brick and maybe for Sunday too. We'll see. I'm not sure how Sunday's brick will be. I'd like to get out on the road but I think it's going to be wet. I don't know if I want to go more than an hour on the trainer but, we'll see. It'll all work out and be fine, fine, fine. Another Last Five Years line :) Oh, well. Life toodles on and I hope Jeremiah and Sadie are doing fine. I need to get a hold of them. Yes, I do. And, it will be fine and good and all. Fuzz is directing Blithe and that is good. I don't know who the SM is. I probably don't know them. And that is fine. It will all work out and so, do, do, do and re, re, re and will have kangaroos and mid-knights like mid-wives? What would mid-knights do, delivery squires to become nights, but mid-wife is like a relation to a husband, a man so what is a mid-knight related to what is a mid-knight in partnership with to deliver? Partner to a father with a son destined to become a knight. Maybe. Ah, life is so funny and strange in my head. It will all work out and it will all be fine. There is light on the horizon and light in the sky light in our hearts and light in our minds. Light is the soul from where our emotions come and light is the spirit from where our values come and from where we are called to lead our lives. Light guides us in the quest of our lives or I is the perspective better that which guides is light. There a subtlety that flashed through my mind that whisked away in the light of my soul never to come back and never to end always floating and flying and misting and twisting into a tumble and jumble of mind flux and clouding our visions and pulling us this way and that. (540)

Another day.  Bright sun outside coming up.  Cold and crisp this morning.  Looks like a bright sunny day coming. It will be slightly warmer maybe brushing 40 degrees.  Mom goes to the GYN today.  The last new doctor visit. Then, the big heart procedure tomorrow. I can't say it's bad or can I, I can't say it's good. But there's a little bit of me that says life would be easier if mom passes away. I know her life is hard and she's not getting much out of it. We were on a path, now the cough has stifled it. We seem to always get to a good cusp.  We weren't quite there because she has still be adjusting to the new place and she seemed to be getting there until the cough hit.  Oh, well, c'est la vie. We keep going the best we can with hand of card we're dealt and the path on which we are placed.  It's not about the destination, it's not about the journey, it's not about the path, it's about how we engage with our situation in the universe. Amen. Thank you Lord for my situation.  Thank you for the gift of life and the opportunity to experience the emotions and feelings that make up the experience of life (yes, kinda circular).  I'd say really that the definition of experience is really the emotions that we feel.  Thank you Lord for the experience of life, the gift of love that brings the most satisfying experiences and for Mary in my life to share it all and for Jeremiah to see him have life experiences too and for mom who gave me the opportunity for life experiences and family and friends and all of humanity with whom I share experiences and with whom we shape one another's experiences.  Amen to life and our creation. Amen. Thank you Lord for the blessed sun and moon and stars from which we came and to which we will go and in which we are now bathed in life giving energy and given the cycle of the seasons which enrich our lives in anticipation and memories.  Thank you Lord for all we are and for all that we will be and all that we have been.  We are one family, one being from the dawn of our existence and we will never be separated and will continue, one humanity living for one another to enrich our experiences and be there for the happiness of one another.  Thank you Lord for all this and for our existence. Amen.  That sounds like a good prayer.  Thank you Jesus.  Amen, Amen, Amen.  For we walk together and talk together and balk together and stalk together and caulk together. (458)

O Lord, another day. Missed yesterday because mom was having some distress. She's okay. She forgot about the issue she called me about or made it up? I hate to think that.  I don't know. It was strange but she seemed ending up okay. Music music music is distracting me. Turn it off. I thought it might be calming, my Pandora calm meditation station, alas, but not, c'est la vie. And the is how the world turns and turns and turns on its wobbly axis seemingly never ending giving us seasons with its tilt and adding spice to life as a launching point into other worlds some near we visit the nears we set foot on the farthest we peer into with our telescopes and detectors really just sensing the impacts the have on the universe that leads to stimulation of our senses. Oh, Lord we are alone within never really in the universe just sensing and perceiving what you choose, I hate that instead just sensing and perceiving changes within the realm of our bodies. We are caterpillars forever entombed in our own cocoons perceiving the signals our senses receive and make decisions to stimulate the universe around us. Wow, we make decisions to stimulate the universe around us and then there's a disconnected jump.  Because I don't really move my arm. What is it that really happens? I'm not sure how to get it into words. Are all initiation of actions completely automatic? If I decide I'm going to turn my head, how does that action get initiated how is it set into motion. I don't know I just decide to do it and it happens. Whoa. That's deep for me. I'm not turning my head, signals go from my brain to my muscles cause them to contract and relax in a way that causes my head to turn. Chemical reactions fire in my brain to cause the signals to go to my muscles. What makes the chemical reactions fire.  How is that initiated? How does my will become physically manifested? I don't know. I don't even know what is my will. (354)

Today is another day.  It's been a few days since last writing. Busy times and going to bed too late. However, all is fine and good. Mom is better but still not good. Maybe allergies? Need to get humidifier. Lookup best placement for a humidifier. Then life will go on and on and on has it has, though life had a beginning on this planet there was a time before which there was not life on this planet when it was just molecules and atoms and electrons just floating around in space and it all coalesced into this rocky planet and our solar system. So will life on this planet end and all life originating here end. Who knows. I think it is a long time before that will happen unless something catastrophic happens from without or from within. I don't think man has the ability to completely wipe out life on this planet. We might be able to destroy much of it, but we could not get all of it. And I see no reason why it could not rise again.  If it arose once, it can rise again. We have different types of life. I'm aware of 2, everything on the surface and much in the ocean and then the stuff around hot vents. I don't know if that stuff is really separate or not but it doesn't get it's energy in the same way as everything else does. All the life in the deep ocean away from the sun, does it ultimately get its energy from the sun and I mean all the stuff that is related to stuff on the surface. Vertebrates come to mind but there are lots of other things too. Maybe I'll remember to look it up. Testimony testimony. Yeah, I'm thinking more about the structure. It's who I am and I want to do it and have faith in the people that really know me and the people who have interest and will not judge. Maybe it'll create an opportunity for dialog I want, maybe not. But, that's okay. It'll be interesting to see what happens. I am witness to my own spirituality to what I perceive. Witness testimony sounds compelling but is it the right thing. Maybe I'm looking for being provocative, maybe and that's okay. Whatever the path is that I choose, it will be okay. If lots of people walk away, that's okay. If some stay that's okay too. If some are indifferent, it hardly matters. And, that's okay. It is all good and Hallelujah Jesus Christ. Not Paul. I don't care for Paul. I don't think he says anything new and significant. (444)

A new day. Dark beginning to fade. My back is tight and zapping my motivation to exercise. We'll see if I can leave work early and run this afternoon. I got a lotta hours yesterday so that shouldn't be a problem. We'll see as the music flows in and out of my ears soothing the soul to believe in love and peace and forever and never always reality exists only in the moment and never in the future and never in the past flowing continuously with no beginning and no end forever reaching to the past before the beginning and into the future beyond the end. We exist only in this moment and our total reality is only what we are feeling. Our existence is only emotion and what we feel.  That is what our existence is about. We may plan for the future but our project into the future only brings about feelings of anxiety or calm in this moment about the future but it is only how we feel now that is our reality.  Thank you Lord for peace and calm that we can bring about for ourselves in the here and now. Thank you for love for family, for Mary, Jeremiah, Sadie, mom and all my family and friends throughout the universe. Though, I a truly alone in my feelings in this moment and in this place.  My bowels are coming and the music is flowing and the keys are tapping and my weight is hovering too high and my back is stiff and my anxiety is flowing with my time not being my own taking care of mom consuming my mind consuming my time consuming my actions consuming my feelings. Mary is a blessing to have with me to know she cares and judges me not and needs not from me just being with me together in our lives always being there. Mom would do whatever she could for me but my aversion is that she doesn't do that for my sake or at least that is how I see it and she does it because I see and feel myself as a possession of hers to have. She takes joy in me and that is offensive to me. She doesn't take joy in me being my own person. Her happiness depends on me. I feel like I'm a drug to her. I don't want to be the object of someone elses happiness, I don't want to be the object of someone elses reason for living.  I feel like it's an imposition on my existence a responsibility being put upon me. It's smothering it's anxiety. If it's not reality then what is the cause of the anxiety. (451)

Another day. It is dark outside. Up "bright" and early today. Mom has a GI appointment. Not much will happen other than introductions. I need to get POA and history together and pick up paper work from Brookdale. Also need to make sure mom gets up early on Wednesday for heart procedure and hold diuretics. Need to send email to Isabel. No, wait. Heart procedure is next week, not this week. Oh, good. No rush on that. Whew! Good day taking mom out yesterday, Mary and I. My back is not great. No long core today and no workouts and see how it goes. I was glad for swim yesterday. The Sunday workouts are the priority to get in. That is where the real progress is though speed work is in the week day workouts. But, the priority is distance. I need to look at the upcoming weather. Life goes on, it is continual music we dance to to make a our goals find our happiness. My soul feels impatient. I want to move on from this writing time to the next things. My stomach gets to feeling something, I'm not sure what it is. It's not nausea, not knotted or cramping though it feels like, well, I don't know. It feels like something that is uncomfortable that I want to make go away. Not a pressure, just an unpleasant sensation. O Lord, I really want to know what it is more than I want it to go away but make no mistake that I want it to go away, fly away forever never to comeback like I want all my sufferings to do. But, they fly away and fly back, a constant change back and forth all day long for all the days in my life. I feel tight in my soul with the way my back is I want it to relax and go away fly away and be on its way to the other end of the heaven's the other end of the universe where all our cares and woes go at the end of the day. Last night I invoked focusing on the images behind my eyelids which I haven't done in a long time and lo and behold, I slept soundly and don't remember much if anything at all before waking up just after five. So, got 7 hours of solid sleep. That was good. I should check my watch for fun to see how I did. I need to employ the image focusing every night like I used to. I think it really helps me to sleep. Amen O, Lord it feels like the end is coming, very soon based on the number of words I see. (453)

Today is another day. It is grey outside from fog. But, it is warm. It will be damp some rain, hopefully not too much. Taking mom with Mary to go coat shopping. Hopefully it will work out well for mom. Then, we're going out for chinese.  Amen. Another day another dollar another life another beginning another ending another time. All our times are new beginnings to start afresh and find peace in each new moment as the flames of our lives continue to burn giving us new opportunities to experience and new feelings and emotions to encounter and revel in and live the life you have given us. May we find happiness and guide are lives to be happy and accept and understand the way the universe is and not fight and oppose what we cannot change and not fight and oppose the way the universe is against how we think the universe should be. We are fundamentally apart of the universe one in our existence. We see a path to happiness and often the path we see is not possible and we become frustrated and angry when that path does not come to fruition and we fail or even refuse to see and acknowledge the impossibilities of how we think the universe should be. We are all created from you and by you O, Lord. You are benevolent and I believe you created us to experience the joys and happiness that comes from loving one another without condition. We are all here together to find happiness together and enrich one another's lives, to live desires and pleasures that give us calm and peace and happiness and joys and ecstasies. May we not become obsessed however with our joys and desires and pleasures and happiness. It is all transient and will come and go with each passing day with each passing moment. Be happy and joyful in each moment and the calm of being one with the universe will come and bathe us in happiness and peace. Amen to you O lord and amen to all of us on this earth of this earth all of us all of humanity.  What about other living things? Do I wish for happiness for them? That is a challenge when we use them for our own sustenance and gain for our own well-being. How do we measure well-being, determine well-being when we cut the lives off of other living beings? It is how they live. They live without love. (416)

Another day. Another dollar. LOL. It's going to be a brisk morning out there or running. It doesn't look like it will rain soon. I should check the forecast to be sure. My back started spasming earlier when sitting here at the computer. Kinda like at Ft. Ritchie on the bike. I'm going to be mindful of it, but but keep moving forward. If it gets bad I can alternate walking and running. Hopefully I won't have to do that and if I do hopefully I'll brave the cold okay. And I hope it gets better so I can swim later. And be okay tomorrow for my brick. Ah, c'est la vie. It will be what it will be.  I should get water in my while I'm getting ready for my run. It will all be okay. I hope mom will be okay. I'm kinda worried about her budget. I guess I can probably put together a projection now. We'll see. I don't think it's going to be pretty. We'll see what it is and where we can go and what we need to do. Ah, and work this week. We'll see if I can get the last ticket to start done by Wednesday. We'll see. It will be what it will be. And the beat goes on Sonny and Cher I got you babe in the morning we'll be coming 'round the mountain tomorrow and everyday thereafter until the King comes until the Sun King comes and we are all immortalized in feces and our heads. All we are we have always been and always will be the center of our souls are God's king and his son and we are all connected and melded together as one in the same part of the one universe we live in together. It is all about making it in the universe together with one another helping each other to survive and find happiness and shine like the stars we see in the sky and find calm and peace with ourselves and how the universe is. We can change the highlevel, but the basis and basics of what the universe are are immutable and will never change by our own hands. It is what it is and the more we can flow with it the more we can find peace and happiness and nirvana in our lives here and now today as Christ said the Kingdom of God is at hand and will come in their life times. Heaven is here on earth for having coming from within our souls put there by God. There is no reward after death for a life chosen to live by God's rules. God didn't make us in order to punish us. Amen. (457)